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Greetings from Naples, Florida, where the the
snowbirds just keep on comin'!
Hello, everyone...
Please ignore the date above. I didn't have time to change it.
I have been too busy to really update and promote this site, which still claims to be "The World's LARGEST personal website." Gosh, I hope no one else is using that slogan. I might get sued. After all, we do live in a sue-happy society. I used to be very happy about Sue, because that was the name of my ex-wife, but that is another story altogether. Now I am even happier about Diana, my real love, so you might call me "Diana-happy."
But back to what I was saying about promoting this site. Despite my lack of promotion or advertising for it, this website, Keith Valenza Living, has had a total of three visitors since November: A love-obsessed stalker, an intellectually bankrupt attorney, and a painfully bored librarian. Or was it a board librarian? I can't remember which adjectives go with which nouns, but any of them would probably apply, no doubt. I was very disappointed, not just in the number of visitors, but in the clientele as well. Hey...I never trusted attorneys, I have had my fill of stalking women who never know when to quit, and most public librarians are humor-deprived. So it is obvious that this website has not yet found its proper niche. I just wonder how these three people ever came across this obscure web site that nobody else has ever heard of or even cares about? Yahoo, maybe?
Speaking of libraries, I heard a really weird rumor the other day. Someone told me that there was a for-profit public library somewhere in southern Indiana. I would have expected such an endeavor to occur in California, or maybe Arkansas, but INDIANA? No way! I refused to believe the rumor, because I think I read it on one of those stupid forwarded emails that people who think I might care decided to send me. Whoever sent me the email must have thought I was really stupid or naive to believe it. Anyone would be to believe anything as ridiculous as that.
According to the report, this library was actually SELLING books and movies, the same books and movies that they loan for free! Why would any library want to do both? Hmmm. Maybe they are on to something. I think I will start a library of my own. I will call it the Keith Valenza Public Library, Where You Can Buy, Borrow, or Sell Books, I Don't Care, I Just Have Nothing Better To Do Than Come Up With A New Tax Write-Off Anyway. How is that for a catchy name and slogan, all in one? Gosh, I hope no one else is using that name and slogan, because I might get sued, and as I said earlier, we live in a sue-happy society. Personally, I think all women named Sue should "sue" the entire legal system for using the name "Sue" to describe what lawyers do in court. I could file a Friend of the Court Brief (I hope Fruit of the Loom doesn't mind my use of the word "brief" and I certainly hope that Friend of the Court Legal and Office Supplies, Inc. is not offended by my use of the term "Friend of the Court.") But as usual, I am rambling aimlessly.
Back to the library rumor, though...Personally, I have no idea how anyone would ever be so stupid as to believe that ANY library would sell books and movies. Unless they think that the library is now a Barnes and Noble. But Barnes and Noble doesn't call itself a library. It only looks like a library with a coffee shop attached. Maybe someone should sue them for impersonating a library. And if my name were Barnes or Noble, I would sue them for using one of my names to promote their business. But as my late mother used to say, it takes all kinds. And as some wise attorney (which in itself is an oxymoron) once said, a sucker is born every minute. So please...keep those forwarded emails to yourself, and if you visit this website out of sheer boredom...enjoy it while you can, because I am taking it down once I get some time, and once I stop writing meaningless diatribes like this.
And if there is anyone named "Valenza" out there, please don't threaten to sue me for using your name on this website. Valenza just happens to be my last name as well, so I hope no one will mistakenly think this is THEIR website, when it is truly mine.
Copyright 2000 by Keith Valenza | |
